.........Just.......

The thing about being open is that I often time feel vulnerable. I then go to retreat mode, reverting to the numbness that I often feel on a day to day basis. I numb myself because when I do feel..... it hurts. Its like I can never get a break from this feeling of hopelessness. I don't feel this way on purpose, I don't ask for pity or try and have pity parties. It's like a natural way to feel for me, as if I'm meant to live in pain and meant to suffer.

I want to live but in order for me to live I have to be superficial about who and what I am. I feel that I'm just a fake...I have pushed and pushed myself on a daily basis to feel anything but hurt....however at the end of the day I am back in pain. Not physically but emotionally, mentally. Some times I guess you can say it's physical too because my body some times aches all day and I'm constantly seeking some type of healing to get over it.

I'm tired, I want to feel good again, I want to feel hope....the jury is still out on feeling love but maybe some day that too will come back to this numb heart of mine.

Death is near, I feel it breathing down my neck some times. I welcome it like I've waited all my life for it...often times with open arms. Part of me don't want it...part of me want to see all my children grow and see more grandchildren, see if I will ever find peace.....but like I've said I'm tired, I'm weary and .....


Charging it all to the game,

Queen 2 B

My Blogging Rights

So today I've decided to blog some thoughts...I will not be posting the link because well I don't feel like it. I'm running on raw emotions today...it could be either a lack of sleep or hell I just feel what I feel and don't feel like masking it today. I'm sure once released that I will crawl back under the rock, in the shell that I tend to hide in...

So if you follow me on my blog...which I only have 2 followers...lol...I hope you ladies don't mind me being open today....I have to put it down somewhere....I be damn if I put these things on FB and I have a emo twitter that no one follows but myself...(yeah I am following my own emo twitter)...but these emotions are full because I've left them bottled up for some time now....and I'm feeling some kind of way today....

I'm tired of having to shut myself down so I won't offend or try and hold on to friendships and other things...I guess tho...it's whatever....


Reality fuckin bites,

Queen 2 B

Nothing even matter...

I mean when it does what will it cost you? The expense is all inclusive no matter the outcome....and that is why I'm broke...

Out of pocket...
Queen 2 B

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Its what i feel so sue me....i really dont care...

Love is a magic trick...filled with smoking mirrors, a magician and his assistant...it sticks you in a box and cuts you in half or you get put in the box that makes you disappear...so why do people want to be a part of something like that? Because the illusion of it all wows us...

That is all..
Queen 2 B

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Time heals all wounds.....

An American proverb states "Time heals all wounds". However I like the quote stated by Rose Kennedy that says:

"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." 

Over this past year, I have been wounded to the point that I am just a walking scar tissue. I have transcended into one big wound that is covered by layers of scar tissue, even though the pain has lessen, the pain has not gone away. My mind is protecting my sanity (or the lack there of) but the wound is still present.

As each day goes by, I can say I no longer cry myself to sleep even though there are moments when tears are still shed. Many of us have suffered so much sorrow in our lives. Each of us has a certain endurance to the same pain as the next person. During my time of being wounded, I've heard numerous of times...."Girl, just get over it", "I don't know why you are still tripping over that". Well as they say one man's junk is another man's treasure. The same as with wounds and pain. You may have dealt with the same kind of wound/injury but your pain level may not been as high as mine or vice versa. 

When someone is going through such hurt we first have to be understanding. Then from that point be the shoulder that they need. It's okay to empathize with people who are hurting....AND YES we do not wish for anyone to dwell in that pain but the questions is: How much time do we give them to do so? 

I say if you truly care/love the person who is going through this pain....give them all the time they need. Sure we may get tired of hearing the same ole thang, same ole story, or same ole cries. BUT we need to become more creative and try to get them to see life as they live it. In this fast paced world we tend to give people a 2 second listen and then we are off running on to the next thing. 

I think that our society has became very insensitive to how things effect others. A lot of times its because we don't deal with things the same as others do.......People's life history could be full of hurt and disappointments. There are some of us who have encountered such issues on an ongoing basis, never receiving a break.....and with each blow it gets harder and harder to get back up. 

So what am I trying to say?

I'm saying that we need to work on how to be more understanding to others. Everybody IS NOT the same. Yeah you might find a majority that may be just like you but that still does not make up for people/society as a whole. I'm not asking you to cater but to be a better help to the ones you care/love. Stop adding fuel to a fire that's already lit and ready to devour. Instead be human enough to at least help....

So what says you? 

Be a help?

Or a hindrance?

Just think......

Love you all,

Queen 2 B