Day 7 of 21 Free to Love meditation

"Today I commit to giving and receiving love in its full power and glory."

  
Freedom to Feel Again:

Ummmm.....well....

I'm a little more stubborn than I thought....okay NO...I know how stubborn I am. 

This particular one is something I'm not ready for. I'm grateful for the lesson that it is showing me. But to be honest...I don't want to feel anything right now. For now the numbness is what I want. 

Okay, kind of harsh...let me back up. Like I told a friend of mine today, I'm willing to deal with everything in my life with exception of one part. I do NOT want to deal with the intimate level of my feelings. I'm afraid and that's that....

However this meditation is not a total lost. I am becoming more free to have love and feelings for myself. Before I felt nothing at all but now...I feel love for myself and it's okay to be that way.

At one point I've allowed my feelings to be open wide for all of those around me. Except for myself....I hated what and who I've become. I hated the fact that I was just a weakling .... strong for others but not for myself. I couldn't take up for myself but I could for others.

UNTIL.....

I got my feelings hurt really really bad....my emotions for others actually became my downfall to the point of vulnerability. Which left me open to be sucker punch and blinded by my feelings.  In order to  bounce back from such a devastating moment of my life....I shut down all of my feelings....for me....it was the safest way to live.

Bottom line:

I am slowly but surely opening up myself to feel again. I won't lie and say this is easy and I can concur this without a problem buuuuuuuuut....this one folks is a tough one. This may be a daily process until I am feeling again....This meditation has not gone in vain....it's just right now....I cant....

"Today I commit to giving and receiving love in its full power and glory." (today's meditation but a daily movement for me until I really get it)

Just pray for me


Queen 2 Be