Day 8 of 21 Free to Love meditation

                                          Your Heart Center

 "The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."
—Jiddu Krishnamurti

  

For me this is my heart from the time I was born. Slightly broken, patched up and half way bandaged up. I mean my mother showed me (and is showing me) all the love that a heart can stand. My father (although absent most of my life) says he love me. I have friends and family that says they love me BUT....I never felt the personal love from myself. Although my heart is my center, it never seem to stay in place. I think mainly because I have a BIG heart. My heart has this major Kumba Ya My Lord complex. My heart has deceived me numerous times because of it. My heart has made decisions that seem to exploit this weakness I have for being loved, to have love, or showing love to the world.

BUT WAIT.........it gets worst....

                                                              

The older I've became the more my heart became broken.....until finally....it became shattered into pieces. What was the cause? Life....people.....ME. I lived by my heart to the fullest. When I give someone my heart I give it fully. I blame myself for that though...I've opened myself up freely, regardless of how many times I've been hurt (sometimes over and over again by the same people)....and before you knew it my heart was dropped, shattered into tiny little pieces..... I was left vulnerable, cracked, broken....My heart hurt!  

    



                                                      

Which then landed me here......literally I would say this and mean it with every fiber of my being. THIS feeling is almost at a point of no return. The bitterness that grows inside is a dreadful feeling. I am almost in tears because this felt so real to me. I vowed that I would never deal with love (outside of family and few close friends) ever again. It felt ugly....I could no longer believe in this thing called love. I did not feel my heart anymore. I could not feel period.....I in fact felt as though I had no heart at all....I was completely numb.

 BOTTOM LINE:

 

  

I knew the way I was feeling was not healthy.....I figured that my life was going to be stagnate....especially if I would shut down my heart. In fact I was very stagnate, the more I lingered in the way I was feeling the worse my life seemed to be. The ones that hurt me/broken my heart are moving on with their lives....they were in fact doing something that I should of been doing....LIVING...with the fullness of their heart. So it is time for me to let go and let God....accept my life as is but LIVE more from the heart....But first....I need to find my heart again....I must return it to it's rightful place...in the center.....This will help me become a more balanced human being....and when you are balanced, you are more receptive to love not just from people but for me...love from myself....

"My heart center is open and receptive to love." (today's meditation)

Openly loving, (with hesitation but willing)

Queen 2 Be